Every day as I work with individuals during the current health crisis, I am acutely aware of the anxiety and mental AND physical stress people are experiencing. That stress is certainly not one size fits all. For some, the worry is about contracting COVID-19. For many others, there are concerns about unknowingly passing it on to someone else. Some people are consumed with worry for vulnerable loved ones. Some people are concerned with the economic impacts of the shutdowns across the country, or have added stress form working from home, taking on additional responsibilities at work because others are laid off or working from home, or they themselves have been laid off. Add to these the number of people who have now taken on additional caretaker roles or homeschooling responsibilities, all without outside help. Finally, and perhaps most pervasive in almost everyone I work with, is a real sense of loss from not being able to be with the people we love, or do the things that make us who we are. And, of course, if anyone has fallen ill, or has a loved one who has fallen ill or passed during this time, being unable to be with them or say goodbye is indescribable.
I have listened to so many people try to diminish the stress, and the loss and the fear they are feeling by saying, “At least this or that isn’t happening.” Or, “At least I have my health/my job/my … whatever”. Or the universal line: “It could be worse.”
Of course, those are all true. Things could be worse. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t bad. It doesn’t mean you don’t have every right to feel sad, or scared, or stressed, or overwhelmed … or whatever you are feeling. But, it is important to recognize that those are feelings – and you can keep moving forward with those feelings. Recognize them, accept them, and then look around and decide what you are going to do about it.
- If you are missing your family, set up video gatherings. Or (if allowed where you are) do a drive-by and talk to them from your car. While communicating via email or phone is OK, as humans we need to see our tribe. And while it’s not the same as giving someone a big hug, at least being able to see their face will go a long way to soothing your soul, and theirs.
- If homeschooling has got you going crazy, talk with your children’s teachers and ask for guidance (and thank you to all of you teachers who are getting our kids and parents through this). Talk with other parents for ideas and remember there are lots of online resources, including remote tutoring opportunities. My daughter is a high school senior taking four college classes right now. I assure you I do not have enough recall of that knowledge to be of any help to her – so we connected with a local teacher who can offer additional Q&A time with her when she is stumped. There are lots of places to find support, you just have to ask. And go easy on yourself. Make time for fun. We may never have this level of hands-on time with our kids again, so make the most of it when you can. Take time outdoors, play games, go through old photo albums or videos. And hug them lots. It’s good for you and (whether they admit it or not) they need that reassurance right now too.
- If additional responsibilities or changes in your work structure have felt overwhelming, seek support. If you need further instruction on new responsibilities or processes, ask. I assure you, everyone is having to find a new way right now, and it is better for everyone to ask for clarification on the front end than to waste time and find out something was done incorrectly. Over-communicate with staff and co-workers. And don’t underestimate the value of simple organization and time management skills.
Above all else, remember that you are human. Everything might not be perfect, and you may experience negative emotions as you go through it, but you can do it. Just keep taking one step at a time. Focus on small tasks and recognize each achievement.